Facts & Fictions

It is fiction to believe you are limited by anything. The fact is when you don’t have a table, you can use a friend.

Facts suck. I need to get that out of the way upfront, mainly due to the modern obsession with them – which irks Ole Sauerpuss worse than dry kraut. Knowing facts, reporting facts, discovering facts – it’s all the latest rage. And hopefully a fad that will die in the way of the Beanie Baby and the compassionate conservative. We humans simply don’t live by facts, quite the contrary we only survive by means of the most elaborate mythical fictions. It’s a fact that the chair I’m sitting on is composed of quadrillions of atoms, whirling around each other in a mad frenzy, staying composed by mere elemental laws. The ‘fact’ that I see a chair is no fact at all, but a useful simplification. The chair is just an idea, an idea that helps me cool my buns and put up my sore dogs after a long day grindin’ – without stressing at all about the number of protons and electrons that may be swirling around my butthole at any given moment. The fact of kraut should conceivably be broken down to the level of the individual strand, but to contemplate each the strand one at a time – ‘factually’ - kills the magic of the kraut as a whole. Folks sometimes tell old ‘Puss to not paint with too broad a brush, well boys and girls if you want your picture  to get seen, make your brush as wide as a Kardashian’s caca cannister and brush your strokes broadly.  Think in plops and mounds, enjoy your kraut – live in chunks and hunks, and enjoy your life.

- Sauerpuss

FACT

• Sauerkraut is made from cabbage

• Sauerkraut ended the Franco-Prussian War

• If a German doesn’t eat one spoonful of sauerkraut every day, they will shrivel up and die.

FICTION

• Sauerkraut has feelings

• Sauerkraut, if left unattended, will turn into gold

• If a French person eats too much sauerkraut they become agreeable

- KrautHammer