Take Care, Take Kraut
Once you’re a hound, you’re a hound for life - or so the saying goes. How long said life lasts, well that’s up to the liver (especially in my sauer pickled position). The trade-off between pleasure and abstention is a tale as old as time. As krautHounds, we beyond a shadow of a kroubt, believe in preserving things. The art lies in the balancing of short term joys which may harm the body and feed the soul - versus the longevity producing practices of daily exercise and a wholesome diet. Even the writing of the last two words elicits shivers in the ole’ ‘puss. But still we must acknowledge the uniqueness of our positions here on planet Earth, consciously observing the comings and goings of friends and family on this crazy spinning orb. Realize this hounds, we get one ride, so stretch that mother out as long as you can - just not at the cost of real life too often. ‘Cause after all, if a hound is barkin’ ‘bout some stellar kraut and there’s no one to hear it, does it make a sound?
- Sauerpuss
Few would accuse me of being a man of detail but when it comes to life, it’s the little things that count. Recently, I found myself going deeper into a Covid spiral. Tired of the isolation. Stuck without a clear view of when this thing will end. And if it does, what does “end” even mean? Smaller parties? Less interaction? Less connection? It’s in these moments of despair when I need a strong sense of purpose more than anything else. Low and behold, where do it I it but in my fridge.
Late one night, I wandered into the kitchen to eat my lonely feelings. As I break the door seal and the cold golden glow spreads across the dark room, so too did one of its contents spread a glow across my soul. Wedged in the door, between the hot sauce and the mayonnaise, my guardian angel – Sauerkraut.
If this seems a bit odd to you, please keep reading. If it seems entirely off, please remove yourself from this website. You are not a hound and you don’t belong.
There are a lot of similarities between the lockdown and sauerkraut. I have spent several weeks researching this list and, while it is extensive, it is not exhaustive.
1) Sauerkraut is stuck inside, without release. Just like us, without a proper release, the isolation can become dangerous.
2) Sauerkraut is a condiment, but it is also an individual. Sometimes, it can feel like we don’t matter. The world is so big and what difference does it make to have another unremarkable person taking up space. Lost in the sea of condiments, who would miss us? Do not forget, we are hounds. And just like a double-decker-dose of kraut, you’re good to the last plop. Next time you see condiments passed around a table, take note of the leftovers. You will find a condiment minimalist’s nightmare. Half the ketchup squirted goes right into the dishwasher. And that almost-full plastic ramekin of mustard is already on its way to the dump. Next – stay sober enough during your next krautfest to record how much of the good stuff goes in the garbage. Take a little or take a lot, foodies of all levels respect sauerkraut and finish what they start. No my friends, we are not just another condiment. We are hounds, and no bit of us is wasted.
3) Sauerkraut tastes good on its own, great with some things, and terrible with most things. And just like kraut, hounds are not meant to be kept indoors. We don’t taste good when the main course is a nine-month lockdown. We are individuals, yes. Give a hound a park and let them live. Give a hound a barbecue, and boy oh boy do we fly.
It was a profound moment I had. It hit me all at once. There is nothing wrong with me, I just need a little patience. I need to be like the kraut. Stay in my jar, focus on myself, and take my release when I can find it. The days will be getting longer soon. A brighter, better future awaits. One filled with vaccines and barbecues. One in which the kraut and the hounds are released. Unleashed on a world hungry for flavor. Bide your time my fellow doggies. We don’t know when the opening will be, but we damn well better stay fresh for it.
- krautHammer
